Oh no he didn't....

Ok, I'm just going to put this out there.

My name is Jessica, and I love celebrity gossip.

This is Alex, and as a neglected boyfriend, I can personally vouch for Jessica's obsession for celeb goss at the expense of all other things in life.

Oh do not even make me mention WoW.

Psh, act like I'm the only one...

I did just get a sweet new parrot companion... : )

Anyways, I spend more time on perezhilton.com than I do reading the bible, talking to my grandparents and petting my cat, combined. The debate about celebrity gossip rages on and on (Me: OMG Lindsey is scary skinny. Alex: Sorry, I can't talk right now I'm too busy reading the Economist. You should do the same). (You leave the Economist out of this.) However, the merits of celeb gossip are best left for another blog post. We've gathered today to talk about one specific piece of celeb (and I use that term loosely) gossip:

Jon "I'm not sleeping with a 23 year old" Gosselin

and his bat sh*t crazy wife Kate.

Jon Gosselin, of the popular TLC show Jon and Kate Plus Eight, has been accused of doing disreputable things. If you don't know who/what Jon and Kate Plus Eight are, let me know. I'd be happy to explain the show, current political events, and how carriages are now moving without horses. Point being, you should know.

Anyways...

There are quite a few publications out there, including the reputable likes of US Weekly, which claims thats that Jon Gosselin is having an affair with a 23 year old school teacher.

Allegedly!

Yes yes, allegedly. Anyways, this isn't the first time Jon has been accused of inappropriate behavior with women who aren't his wife. Back in February, Jon was accused of flirting with and possibly smooching college girls he met at a bar in Pennsylvania. Now there are pictures of Jon leaving a night club at 2 am with this young woman (Jon says he was showing her his car..."showing" her his "car"....) and videos of a man who looks like Jon leaving her house early in the morning.

I think he's guilty as sin. Discuss.

Alright, we can stop the slander there. As anyone who has seen the show would know, Jon is a family man. There's probably a perfectly good explanation for all of these supposedly scandalous photographs.

Oh I can think of a couple good explanation... maybe he thought she was one of his billion kids. But see that's the thing! Why is he out at a bar at 2am with another women? I know your life doesn't stop when you get married and have (8) kids, but it should change.

Oh please! She's a long term family friend! Now granted, she's 23 and you can easily question the longevity of the friendship, but I think we should give Jon the benefit of the doubt. It's the least that he deserves for putting up with that snaggletoothed banshee 24/7.

Oh SNAP. Well at least we agree about Kate. That crazy lady has serious control issues, and as someone who has had experience with control freaks..it ain't pretty. But just because Kate's out of control doesn't mean Jon can spin off the deep end too.

And as someone who has dated a crazy person person with a propensity for face slapping, I can understand why Jon might be out at the bars at 2 AM.

WHOA.

WHOA. Lies, all lies. I think we know who the abusive one is in this relationship. Ahem. If you need me, I'll be at the bars, "showing" some guy my "car". Excuse me.

Somehow I don't think the press will buy that some guy wanted to see the newest dent that you put in your Accord.

Good, because I'll be showing him the newest dent I put in your BMW.

For fear of the safety of my one true love, I'm going to change the subject....

Jon never cheated on Kate. Do you want to know how I know this? Neither of them even know that other woman. It was just some outlandish publicity stunt to get Kate's book tour moving. And it's working too! You're going to buy her book just so you can talk about how Jon is a cheater and how Kate is a money grubbing succubus!

You keep saying that! I'm not going to buy her book! I will only buy her book if the title, "8 Little Faces", refers to Jon's other girlfriends. And you know what, maybe it is a publicity stunt. It doesn't change the fact that it's just plain sad. I think the irony is I'm sure they would both tell you that the show is for the children, it's to secure the children's financial future and allow them to have 2 stay at home parents.

Fine fine fine. Maybe Jon's a cheater. Maybe he's not. All I know is Crazy Kate got a sick new giant house once she started physically abusing Jon on national television. Now she wants sympathy while at the same time planning for her new beach home. Kate wins.

Well, if you measure winning by how much money you make, then yeah, maybe she does win. But she lost her way on the path to the top, and everything that has happened between her and her husband can never be undone.

PS: I just want to let you know that I do measure winning by who has the most money. Think a publicity stunt like that will work for our blog? I'm thinking you, in your little sailor uniform, with a transvestite, at late night Elks lodge bingo. You game?

Yeah, actually I was thinking about emulating TV's other fertile family by out Duggering the Duggers. Think we can make it to 25 kids?

Oh done and done. I just hope no one questions us when we have a large influx of asian and mexican kids living with us.